Life Changes - Clearing a Home after Bereavement
Clearing a parent’s home is one of life’s experiences – often a difficult process because it’s so much more than managing the stuff. It often takes place at an emotional time – with a loved one going into care or following bereavement, when we are vulnerable ourselves to triggered memories and feelings of loss.
This is the experience of my sister and me when we embarked on sorting out our mother’s house after she had died.
Our Mum was pretty organised – the place tidy and not a lot of clutter – but there was still a lifetime of belongings and all the stuff which a house can store which needed to be moved on. All three of us (we have a brother) live 300 miles from our Mum’s home in Morpeth, Northumberland with families of our own were not in need of more things for ourselves. We wanted to find a good home for treasured possessions and deal respectfully with stuff that needed to be disposed of or recycled.
We had some time when the house was on the market to at least familiarise ourselves with what was there. Although keen to sell the property, which was a bit of a liability living so far away, a period of time over several visits to come to terms with our loss and to decide how to approach moving stuff on was important. We took lots of photographs so we could remember what was there. And then quite quickly the house was sold! The buyer ready to move in and we had a short window to do all the practical things to clear the house.
My sister and I were best able to take it on although keen that our brother was involved. We all met several times and began a ‘google doc’ inventory of all the belongings room by room. We first noted any item we wanted to keep for ourselves or our children – the tapestry picture our Mum had made, the vase we had loved, gifts we had given her, special jewellery, photographs etc. We were careful in our selections – we chose things we found useful, decorative or memorable and would hopefully not end up in our own lofts for our children to sort out in years to come!
That left all the other stuff – sofas, tables, beds, books, washing machine, kitchen items, desk, small electricals etc. etc. My sister and I planned a 4 day visit to complete the task. We prepared by making a list of contacts checking with our Mum’s local friends and charities where the things may have a use.
We arrived and began a huge sort into categories – books, paperwork, ornaments, china, pictures, foodstuffs, knitting/sewing materials, furniture etc. Having everything sorted like with like made the task easier. We had a huge pile of items for local charity shops and also for recycling/disposal at the local centre – our brother had several trips!
St Oswald’s Hospice were amazing and made a special collection to pick up some larger items of furniture – we had wanted to donate a large dining table and chairs too but they were unable to take them due to fire safety requirements. That left us with a problem – we all remembered our parents buying the then modern Scandinavian set and were loath to see it go for scrap. After a bit of research (crawling under the table to find the original label) we tried the local auction house who agreed to take it. We were more than happy to receive a good price but importantly to ensure that it was given a new lease of life.
Our Mum had some special friends who were so generous and supportive particularly in her last few years and we were delighted to be able to pass on the newish sofas, the washing machine, and some other items to members of their families where they were needed. We also gave them some small china gifts as memories of precious friendships.
Slowly the piles of possessions were decreasing but some tricky items remained – mainly furniture and bedding where even charity shops find it difficult to accept them. A bit more research and my sister found a local charity for equipping accommodation for previously homeless people, who were very pleased to take the bulk of what we had left.
My brother collected the things he wanted, and my sister and I arranged for a removal firm to take a small load of our choices down to London. And that was it! The house was empty and ready for a new family. We had been daunted by the task, particularly trying to organise at a distance, and it was a physically tiring few days. Strangely my sister and I got a lot of satisfaction from the whole process knowing that our Mum’s things had been thoughtfully passed on to where they would be most appreciated - and we had gained lots of expertise along the way!
Thanks for reading. We’d be interested in any feedback, your experiences or any comments you may have?
Sheila, Sisters Tidy Space